Cruising for the Louds
by The Cowardly Christian
Summary: Major AU! The Louds have won a cruise around the world...but will it be a dream come true or a nightmare?


**Cruising for the Louds**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...

 **"What is with me and cruises lately? Do I just have it on the brain? Am I going for a theme? Am i just bored? Eh, whatever."** Said the eldritch abomination as he put the letter in the Loud's mailbox.

...

"I can't believe we won an all expense paid cruise around the world!" Exclaimed Lynn senior, his family was equally ecstatic as they got on board. "A shame we had to leave Lilly with Grandpa...what kinda cruise has a no baby policy?" Asked Rita Loud confused.

At that point they meet the porter, "Right due to recent...uh...health codes! Yeah, sure let's go with that. You'll have to divide yourself into groups of two and use separate rooms. Also, here's your key cards- Don't lose them, they cost a thousand dollars to replace and it's not covered by the contest" he said as he handed out said keycards to each family member. They winched at the price and resolved to treat their keycards like the Mona Lisa

"Oh...okay...uh...will the rooms be close to each other?" Asked Rita. "Good question lady, honestly I'm new to this job. They just hired me yesterday, I don't know squat about anything. Now clear off! Your blocking the gangplank!"

Sure enough they were, and they were quickly forced away...to the tourist quarters...it's only then that Lincoln realized: "Hey wait- that guy never gave me a keycard!"

Lynn Senior groaned, "Alright, we'll just go back and tell him you-

 **ATTENTION! 'ADULT SWIM' is about to begin! All children- Anyone under 21 in this case - need to be in their rooms, no exceptions! Any child found outside their room goes to the brig for the night! All Adults...time to party!**

Lynn Sr. frowned..."Well...that's ODD. Sorry, Lincoln. I guess we'll have to settle this tomorrow. You kids go to bed, Lincoln you stay in our bed tonight...I got a feeling that your mom and I won't be back for awhile..." He say's that last part mischievously.

The kids just shrug- although the older kids are a bit miffed that they get left out of the festivities -and comply.

...

Lincoln Loud decided to make the best of the situation...by reading comics in his undies. "Okay...things started off a little bumpy, but this is pretty nice...and since I'll have to bunk with one of my sisters after tonight so I need to enjoy this-

 **KNOCK! KNOCK!**

Lincoln turned around just in time to see a Crewman enter the room, "Random Inspection! YOU! Show me your keycard!" Lincoln looked at him confused, "Uh...I was never given one."

Next thing Lincoln knows he's being flung out of the room, "No keycard! No room! No exceptions!" Shouts the crewman. Lincoln looked at him in disbelief, "Wha- but this is my parents room! They'll come back soon and tell you!"

"So...your saying they broke the only 'two' people per room rule?" He smirks evily, "In accordance to the Bi-laws of the ship...since I discovered this in-fraction...I get this room now! And all the complimentary soaps and min-fridge foods within!"

"WHAT!? NO! That's not what I- Lincoln shivers as the cool air goes over his almost bare body. "Look, would you please let me have my things?! But mostly my clothes!"

The crewman laughed, "Sorry boy...you ain't got no keycard...how do I know you ain't a stowaway and the 'stuff' in here ain't stolen...which works out great for me since not only do i got a hundred dollar bonus for every piece of stolen item found...I can choose to keep it for myself!"

He then gets an evil grin, "In fact-

 **RIP!**

Lincoln gaped as his undies were forcibly ripped off him- "WOO! That's another hundred for me!" Shouts the Crewman heartily.

"Wha- what kind of cruise is this!?" Demands Lincoln. "The kind that hires Ex-cons, current cons, escaped cons, gangsters, bums, hobos, drug addicts, and sex offenders." Admits the Crewman flatly, "Now you best skedaddle...the captain wasn't kidding about you being thrown in the brig if security catches you out of your room.

Lincoln couldn't believe what was happening...he chuckled nervously. "This- this is a joke right? One of those crazy theme cruise things? I mean your not really going to leave a kid naked, alone, and locked out are-

 **SLAM!**

"Okay...apparently you are..." Said Lincoln miserably

...

Meanwhile, Lincolns parents were about to have an interesting night too- "Right this way sir and Madam." Gestured the Crewman to the door. The excited Loud parents quickly rushed in...and found it dark?

"Huh...ambience leaves much to be desired...I wonder- GAH!" They both shouted as they found themselves forcibly thrown through the air...and landed on what appeared to be a conveyor belt...suddenly they were in the light again...also-

"GAH! MY CLOTHES! I'M NAKED! HOW DID THAT HAPPEN!?" They both shouted...just then the conveyor belt dumped them at a candlelit romanticized table surrounded by hundreds of other naked and confused guests.

Captain S. Lenderman laughed. "Alright people...who's ready for a night they won't forget!?" Everyone just looked at him like he was a madman..and they weren't too far off...

...…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: quick thing, Lori and Bobby aren't a couple in this...not yet anyway.**

 **AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.**  
 **But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


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